Inside the WineRV

Livin' it.

Yes, we're seeing amazing things. The Badlands, herds of Bison and Bears, National monuments, Josh at Reptile Gardens nearly getting attacked by several crocodiles, Joe spitting out his spample at the Spam museum, and we can take pictures of those things. But if that's all we wanted to do, we would have driven our own car, taken a train or a plane. But no, we took an RV. We wanted an experience. So I wanted to talk about what its like to live on a 33' bus for 7 nights and 8 days with the Winer family. And that, my friends, can never be captured by film. 

When we first got the good ol' Aurora, we thought there had been a mistake since it was so much larger and luxurious than what we had thought we ordered. It was a few feet longer, had two more pop-outs (a magical feature I will explain), had two bathrooms instead of one, and just had a certain kind of classiness we had not expected. (After all, it is class a).

After the thrill of meeting her and Dad being able to drive her without killing us all, we each began to see a few rough spots. They had promised us an extra bed, but this model had only three, so me and Catherine had to sleep together on the couch pull out most nights. The biggest window's curtain is broken, so we have to consistently fiddle with it whenever we want some air. Also we broke the....uh....we don't even know what it's called! Some tacky window fixture that's super annoying. There was no iPod hookup so we had to go out and buy our own. But really those are our only complaints.

The best part about taking traveling in an RV is not having to pack and unpack constantly whenever we pull into a hotel. The car transforms into your hotel! Thanks to the magical POP-OUTS! Pop-outs are sections or boxes inside of the RV that when you park for the night push out and create an extra 5-10 feet of space. Its pretty bizarre seeing your couch and bed slide away, revealing fresh carpet. Every time we pop out we forget how much space it creates, because when driving in a RV for sometimes 5 hours or more you get used to the space fast. It always amazes us. And then the RV really does look like a real, tacky, motel room! So it surprises us again when we pull the pop outs in and all of a sudden the walking space is one foot wide. And then we drive.

The most surreal thing is that, until we get home and break off into our rooms and friend's houses, we have been within 20 feet of eachother for a whopping 192 hours straight. No alone time, no closed doors. Straight up family bonding.

Its a lifestyle I'm beginning to get used to. Can't wait to see what its like to get back to a home that won't roll away, and a house that you can finally poop in. Sleeping in my own bed will be nice, too.

Puh-sicely.

Buffalo - more like buffALOT.

The other day we drove through Custer State Park to check out the scenery, which was pretty beautiful since we were up so high in the Black Hills. There were some tunnels, rock formations, and breathtaking overlooks.

But really what we all wanted to see were the BUFFALO. Joe and Dad had been eating and loving Buffalo Burgers all week and had really gotten into the spirit of the Bison and were dyin’ to see some. I think that’s disgusting. But anyways we went on a search for them along the endless prairies of Custer State Park. Everyone would get so excited whenever we saw a big brown bush, a shrub rustling in the distance, a large rock, and even one time Joe ran out of the car to get a closer look of what we were all sure was a huge Buffalo but turned out to be a large, unfortunately shaped pile of dirt. Each “sighting” was about 10 minutes apart from one another, and we had been driving for more than half an hour. Everyone feared that we’d soon reach the exit without having seen one bison. And then…

Dinosaur Park

Before leaving the Black Hills on Saturday we stopped at Dinosaur Park in Rapid City. The pamphlet for Dinosaur Park advertised life-size concrete dinosaur replicas. Now I am no stranger to life-size dinosaur replicas, I have been to several dinosaur park-areas (most notably the excellent Dinosaur World in Kentucky), but I found this one to be quite interesting. The seven dinosaurs were built in 1936 by WPA workers during the Great Depression as a way of beautifying the area and putting Rapid City residents to work. Specifically the Dinosaur Park was built to “perpetuate the facts of history and to acquaint the present generation and others with a fair idea as to the appearance, size, and characteristics of these, our earliest known inhabitants.”

The park is at the highest point in Rapid City, and from the feet of the Brontosaurus you can look out upon the town’s wonders (mostly strip malls). The dinosaurs were all very cartoony; the brochure admitted that “today’s visitors” may be more accustomed to realistic looking dinosaurs in movies and TV. They were really nice though, and since they are made of solid concrete and steel people are allowed to climb all over them. Wandering around the park, I wondered if the giant green statues were stranger or more normal to travelers passing through in the 1930’s.

Anyway, the park was a cool reminder of how many dinosaurs have been found throughout the Black Hills, including everybody’s old friend Sue at the Field Museum. It is always nice to sit back and ponder what life was like in America for the dinosaurs, perhaps captured best by the classic 90’s sitcom, Dinosaurs.

Dadlands 2

Dadlands

Bears, Buffalos, and Birthdays

It was the morning of my birthday. I put on my prettiest little dress and met the family for "All You Can Eat Pancakes" everyone was pretty excited for it, I unfortunately missed it the day before but they all seemed very happy with the homemade breakfast. I took one bite of the fluffy disc of cooked batter and.... i hated it. Total disappointment. But i kept my feelings to myself and just gave the extra to Dad and Joe. I would not let those pancakes ruin my day.

Then it was off to Bear Country U.S.A where we saw familiar looking families from Reptile Gardens, they must be readin' this blog! They follow us everywhere! Anyway we drove in our rental, the 3 of us packed in back as we looked for animals "in their natural habitat" Finally we saw what we came for, and it was even MUCH better than I imagined. There were bears everywhere, bears of all different shapes, sizes and colors, living as one! Then we went off to "babyland" where I rushed right to the cubs. Right away i was reminded of both our beloved Sophie and my old Tiny Tot campers (2-3 year olds).
Being sketched out of their little cafe we drove right for Mt. Rushmore, to "eat at the place Cary Grant was shot" said Norman. Mt. Rushmore was a lot bigger... and cleaner than I thought it would be! All this surprisement made the birthday even more joyful. And it was going to go up from there.

Along came THOUSANDS of buffalo, Cowboy Cafe (im so cool, they closed the whole place for me), a decorated RV, and the BEST, most random presents I could ever ask for! 19 isnt an exciting age (nothing REALLY changes), but i know its going to be a great year! Goodbye South Dakota hello Muncie :D

Presidents and Soda (A brief photo-essay)

I'm not sure what to say about Mt. Rushmore. It is always surreal to see something in real life that you see pictures of pretty much every day, like the Eiffel Tower, the statue of liberty, or Keanu Reeves at a grocery store. Unlike most American landmarks, Mount Rushmore itself really has nothing to do with the history of America. It is really just a weird sculpture carved into a mountain in the middle of nowhere. Since its completion 60 years ago the mountain has become an American icon, but I doubt that many people who haven't visited know anything about its history (I sure didn't until a few days ago).

Like most American monuments, the history of Mount Rushmore involves a bizarre cast of characters, racism, and many fascinating stories. It seems that the original idea for the mountain was a basic tourist attraction, a way of luring people to South Dakota. The sculptor they chose to build the monument, Gutzon Borglum, saw the mountain as an opportunity to be a much bigger deal than a tourist attraction. He thought that by putting presidents' faces on it, it could be a symbol of freedom and democracy and become a global icon.

Borglum, who was an outspoken political activist and "a man of strong opinions" (i.e. Freemason and KKK member) designed the mountain to include all four men from the waist up. He also planned a "hall of records" buried inside the mountain, so that people in hundreds of years would know that the faces on the mountain were not gods. But the 1930's were a terrible time to carve up a mountain, and the project ran out of money shortly after Borglum died in 1941. Knowing that the US wouldn't finance the project going into World War 2, Borglum's son declared the mountain complete. In 1950 he attempted to finish the project, but Congress wouldn't pay for it since it had already been declared finished. So the iconic appearance of the four faces coming out of the mountain is pretty much a total accident, a result of running out of money. Standing there staring at the thing, it is very obvious that the sculpture is incomplete. But it was still pretty cool to see four giant heads coming out of a mountain.

 Anyways, here's that photo-essay:

Half the Fun?

OK, so our means of transportation for this trip is a massive 32-foot vehicle that shares the name of the Chicago suburb of Aurora. The gas tank has a whopping 50 gallon capacity. No service station yet has allowed us to put in more than about a half-tank of fuel, which is a $100 limit. Which means there have been days where we've spent $175 for gas, and we haven't driven for than 5-6 hours per day. It's also immense, and on relatively modest uphill grades we haven't been able to muster up a speed of more than 40-45 mph. 

On straightaways and downhill grades, we've been at the speed limit of 75, when appropriate. But we hit a few sudden storms that made driving at any speed extremely hazardous -- especially in the very narrow lanes created in the frequent construction zones on Route 90. Given the width of our vehicle and the dubious visibility in the midst of the rainstorms in which we found ourselves, we had no choice at one point on Day 3 to just pull over to the side of the road and wait it out. Thank goodness for the RADIO!! We heard the weather bureau alert people to the extreme storm warning in our area and referenced 60+ mph winds. Combined with the torrential rain, it rocked our stationary vehicle from side to side as the passengers and navigator all noted that the road we were on had no shoulder. So they all moved to the driver side of the vehicle to try to counteract the direction of the wind and stabilize our RV. After about 20 minutes we were able to continue our travels, but it was a nailbiter, for sure!

Unlimited skies

I have been neglecting my blogging assignments not only because Becca keeps using my computer, but because I am totally charmed by our surroundings. Staring at a computer screen is trumped by the beauty of the Black Hills.

I love the South Dakota sky. While another state claims to be "big sky country", the wide-open spaces of the Great Plains are not limited to state lines. This morning, there is not a cloud in the sky as I sit in the shade of the pine trees. Our first morning here, I was up early to witness a fog and low clouds sitting over the hills:

Later, when we were driving to Reptile Gardens, rainclouds were approaching in the distance; it's easy to observe the changing weather patterns before you get drenched. Half an hour later, there were fluffy white clouds in the sky.

And then there's there's the sunset and night sky. I've always been somewhat obsessed with sunsets, as evidenced by numerous vacation photos. Here in the Black Hills, it's right after the sun has retreated that clouds turn gold and the sky show begins. Every shade of blue, from light to deep and ultimately to black. My favorite part is the starry finale. So much to see, it makes my neck hurt. Well worth it.

Reptile Gardens

Today we ventured to a place known as “Reptile Gardens,” a zoo-type facility housing various forms of reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards, alligators, crocodiles, etc.), prairie dogs, birds, and more.

The prairie dog exhibit was pretty hilarious, especially since nobody knew what prairie dogs were doing in the Reptile Gardens. I’ve always thought that prairie dogs always look and act like they are expecting to be bombed or attacked at any moment. They’re very alert in that way. But the best part was the bubble in the middle where you could go underground and stick your head in there to see the dogs at eye-level.

I have never had so many awesome experiences with alligators/crocodiles in my L-Y-P-H-E. The alligator show. This was a demonstration by a young, slightly gangly man named Josh who had also led the snake show for us earlier that day. His stage was a small enclosure filled with maybe 30 large alligators and crocodiles. For his show, he “wrestled” an alligator, which was really just him sitting on an alligator’s back, shutting the gator’s eyes, and moving its arms like the chicken dance. What made it so entertaining was that the surrounding large gators and crocs stopped looking dead and statue-like and began creeping up towards the wrangler from behind, some with their threatening mouths open. Dad kept nudging me, wiggling his eyebrows, obviously having a thrilling time. The guy made a few jokes about the danger coming from all sides and finally made it out alive, coming back to let the crowd pet a dwarf alligator who had his mouth taped shut. So not only did we pet that alligator, which was super interesting in texture, but also one of the huge crocs in the water who was close to me and Joe splashed us by slapping his giant tail down in the water in front of us. An alligator splashed me. Is that normal?

 

The biggest attraction of Reptile Gardens was “Maniac,” a Salt Water Crocodile measuring 15 feet in length and weighing 1,100 pounds. The name Maniac doesn’t really fit his personality, since supporting 1,100 pounds on four tiny legs doesn’t get you very far very fast. I would’ve named him something along the lines of Monster, since his massive size was really all he had goin’ for him.

My favorite part was "Ask Henda," an advice specialist who, for 25 cents, would answer yes or no to 1 of 6 selected questions. What made this so exciting? Only that "Henda" was a chicken.

Apparently I take good pictures so instead of me typing the stories, I’ll show you them.

A Very WineRV Breakfast

 For the next three nights we will be staying at the Rafter J-Bar Ranch in Hill City, South Dakota, which is right in the middle of the Black Hills. We got in late last night so when I walked out of the RV this morning I was surprised to see our majestic surroundings.

I was also pleasantly surprised to see that an all you can eat pancake buffet was available for $2.50. The pancake man had a little cart on a track that went back and forth laying down four pancakes at a time. Suddenly there I was, eating a lot of pancakes in the majestic Dakota hills, and our trip had become exactly what I had envisioned all those weeks ago.

Wall Drug

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere driving through South Dakota we saw the first sign for a place called Wall Drug. It advertised free ice water and five cent coffee. Then we saw more and more Wall Drug billboards, advertising ice cream, homemade donuts, cowboys, and dinosaurs. I did not understand what Wall Drug was but I knew it was something we had to explore.

Wall Drug is located in Wall, South Dakota, which gets its name from a nearby rock formation that looks like a giant wall. It was founded in 1931 and quickly became famous for its offers of free ice water and strange billboards. The store itself began as a simple drug store and has expanded into a gigantic souvenir mall museum of sorts, unlike anything I have seen before (and I have certainly been to a number of souvenir mall museums).

The store is made up of many different rooms, each appearing to be a different store but actually just being the same store. The wall space in every room is completely full of strange art that involves buffalos or Mount Rushmore. There were also an uncountable number of taxidermied wildlife and cowboy statues. Hundreds and hundreds of variations on the same souvenirs are offered throughout the many rooms. Highlights included a bizarrely complete collection of those mugs with names on them (‘Norm’ mugs can be difficult to come by); an extensive t-shirt selection including every possible combination of buffalos, Mount Rushmore, and the American flag; and my personal favorite, the jackalope section.

The five cent coffee was offered in most rooms. The homemade maple donuts were incredible and I also tried some delicious blueberry pie. The “backyard” area included a jackalope you could ride and a giant mechanical monkey that played piano for 50 cents. The historical photo area was also very nice.

Wall Drug may have been the last place we visited before entering the “beautiful stuff” part of our trip, but it will certainly stand out to me as one of the weirdest and best things we did. I will include a few more pictures for those who are curious.

Jumpin' Pillow

At the Yogi Bear place they had what they called the "Jumping Pillow," which appeared to be just a huge blob of colorful striped rubber. Wrong. The Jumping Pillow was like the offspring of a trampoline and a moon bounce. You could bounce twice as high. I went on it, Joe went on it, Catherine and even mom went on it. There really are no words to describe it, so here are some pictures of us on the jumping pillow.

Spam Museum

We spent Monday night in Austin, Minnesota, which is apparently also known as Spam City. Hormel’s primary spam factory is located in Austin and so is the Spam Museum. The museum was free so we stopped by on the way out of town. I expected the museum to be pretty weird but it really went beyond any of my expectations.

We walked in to a ‘wall of spam’ made of more than 3,000 cans. A very friendly tour guide greeted us and walked us into a theater showing a short film about the history of spam. The theater was totally packed with a diverse crowd of people. It was difficult to tell who was there because they thought it was funny and who was there because they really loved spam. I had never tasted spam in my life, but as the movie went on, I became confused as to which group I belonged to.

Spam, (SPiced hAM) comes in more than 8 flavors and is sold all around the world. It is most popular in Hawaii, Australia, and South Korea. Tom Brokaw gave a speech at the museum’s opening ceremony thanking spam for its service to soldiers in World War 2. Not only has spam played a strange but prominent role in American history, but (this was very surprising to me) it is more popular than ever, with all US factories expanding and increasing spam production.

The museum was of course very “pro-spam,” but it still had a sense of humor about the stuff. There was an exhibit based on the Monty Python spam sketch and an exhibit demonstrating the life of a spam-worker. After 15 minutes or so in the museum I began to fall under the spell of spam. It’s meat that doesn’t spoil! It can be cooked in hundreds of ways! It’s a symbol of American ingenuity and productivity! What a wonderful product that had affected so many peoples’ lives for the better. Even the exhibit “What’s In It?” made me feel like this was a product I had really been missing out on. (The answer, according to the exhibit, was “Ham, Salt, Sugar, and… some other stuff!”)

As I headed out of the museum into the spam gift-shop, a woman in a spam apron approached me with a tray of spam-samples. “Would you like to try bacon-spam?” she asked. After an amazing museum experience and a newfound love of spam-culture, I couldn’t wait. “Of course!” Then I put something in my mouth that was perhaps a combination of bacon, salt, and wet sponge. The spam spell was lifted, and we got the heck out of there.

Catherine's First Thought

Well we actually did it. This on going joke was the solid truth all along. Yes, It was thought of at a family bonfire-a family gathering I was not present for. Even the RV 101 Tip Guide from family friends; Robin Williams, Pop Sensation Jojo, and little Josh Hutcherson did not include the loveable, yet forgettable middle child of the Winer Clan. So the night my mother told me to put my stuff together and pack- I was in shock that we were 100% legit about all this. I would be spending my 19th birthday in the badlands, in company of a 33 foot RV. Move over Hawaii (Trip of ’07) THIS is the birthday to remember.

Reba's Review of the Petting Zoo

Dear Austin, Minnesota Yogi Bear Campground,

My family and I just stayed at your superb camping facilities and had quite a day. My personal favorite was the petting zoo. Oh my bod - the petting zoo. Where do I even begin? The 7-8 goats were possibly the nicest goats I have and will ever befriend. Especially the giant black one with giant droopy ears that, if far away, kinda looked like he was a strange labrador who had somehow found his way into the goat closure. Much to my surprise, he ended up being a rather swell guy, and quite a character. Oh the joy and the delight of those goats who would stick their noses out the fence to attempt to taste my camera. (Photographs arriving tonight!) I was hesitant towards the goat field at first, especially since the last encounter I had with a goat was when I was maybe 5 (ohhh the blonde years...) and it nearly took my hand off. But what a change of opinion after meeting Sherman, herman, LaRue, Cosmo, Ronald, Glockenspiel, and and of course Baahhb. Thanks for the journey to forgiveness, guys---and a journey indeed.

It all begins in Mundelein, or "Portillo's or Bust!"

It started with a boyhood dream. To follow in the tire tracks of Mickey & Minnie, accompanied by Donald, Daisy and their "nephews," in one of the favorite novels of my youth, travelling across the country in a motor home.

How I've yearned to drag, er, drive my family across state borders, pending the expiration of their various statutes of limitation, to see the sights of this great country. Inspired by my brief stays on rock & roll tour busses at Bonnaroo, and motivated by the never-ending patience, persistence, resourcefulness and wisdom of my lovely wife, we located a suitable vehicle in the northwest suburbs.

It's been documented that an inspirational private screening of "RV" was scheduled prior to our departure. Frankly, that kind of freaked me out -- not just Robin Williams' over-acting, or the total absence of rapport with his wife, portrayed by Cheryl Hines, best known as Larry David's ex-wife on "Curb." I'd previously worried about steering the immense vehicle, now my concern was that I'd hook up the wrong hose and be covered in fecal matter, spewing into the sky like Old Faithful run amok. (We're not going that far this time...)

So I really tried to pay attention during the instructional portion of the RV pick-up, but Frank was speaking very fast, rarely emphasized the cogent points, and, regrettably, due to his heavy accent, I could only discern about 2 out of every 3 words he uttered.
Time to hit the road. Hoping for the best.

But with a seemingly insurmountable median blocking our path to the Badlands as we pulled out of the rental RV lot, we relied upon Bex and her Droid GPS to lead us to our destination. Unfortunately, she was hungry, and she led us well out of our way to Portillo's where she and Joe could wolf down their immense chicken parm sandwiches, with Catherine carefully nibbling her ravioli (mere days after removal of her wisdom teeth), and me chomping on a Big Beef while I imagined the open road and narrow lanes and giant trucks ahead of us.

But first, a traditional family visit to Super Target. (We're never going to leave the suburbs...)

Yogi's water park

Night #1

I finally took the wheel of the big rig as the sun was setting somewhere in Wisconsin. It's actually fun to drive! And you sit as high up as the semi drivers. As long as you don't look at the gas gauge, it's all good.

We've already experienced a few surreal moments. Just seeing Norm driving an RV was the first one. Crossing the Mississippi at midnight was another. And driving thru a wind-turbine field at 12:30am was amazing, once we figured out what it was. The red lights were all slowly blinking on and off at the same time, so the sky went from total black to red, alien-looking lights up in the sky.

Joe told me the stars are amazing. Had to keep my eyes on the road, so I look forward to enjoying them tonight.

In true Winer style, we arrived at our campground around 1 am. Frustration and hilarity ensued as we tried to set up and not disturb our neighbors. Jellystone is all that I dreamed and more - I'll let the other family members describe the splendor.

First stop: Austin...

.....Minnesota.
Yes the wineRV has docked, hydraulic-pumped, and slid out all three slide-out things in wonderful Austin, Minnesota. We are staying at the Yogi Bear's Jellystone Park camp-resort. We got here very late but Becca and I are super excited to check out the "jumping pillow" in the morning. Also, 24 flavors of soft serve, and unlimited minigolf with a $5 wristband. We might even get to see Yogi him-self. And there have been whispy whispers of the spam museum...

Here she is!

Here's the massive RV herself. We really didn't think it would be so huge. Its got TWO bathrooms and super fanciness. Everything except a manual on how to use it. "Rule #1: no pooping."-norm. It hasn't really kicked in yet, feels sort of like we're borrowing it for 10 minutes as a joke and then giving it back. Nope. Gonna live in it for a week. Dads been driving and I think he's gotten the hang of it. Its so crazy big that after a while I forget we're driving 60mph down a busy highway and think we're in a very comfy motel.

Every once in a while someone will just start laughing. This is ridiculous. This is insane. This isn't us. This is wineRV.

Crowded van

Everybody strap in your seatbelts! Time for the adventure of a lyphe time.

goodbye. and yet, hello!